I was the victim of man shaming.
Last week as I was coming back from the Slipper Room at 12:30, I went down into the 2nd Avenue F train station to learn that there was no uptown service and I would have to go into Brooklyn to at least Metrotech/Jay street to head back uptown to get the D home to the Bronx. I was processing some confusing information a friend had told me that night that already had me upset and as I sat down on the almost empty train car and was leaning in texting with someone else trying to work through it.
About three stops later, 2 pretty privileged white British girls got on the still relatively empty car. One sat across from me and the other said excuse me to sit next to me. Still distracted by trying to keep texting as long as I could and not sure if I could take the F to Atlantic Avenue to just catch the D or 4 instead, I slide over with my knees no more than shoulder width apart and give the girl room to sit, which she does with us not making any contact and for her to sit what appeared to be comfortably. Then, in unison, they both spread their legs apart and throw their elbows out as far as they could. I look up and the girl across from me has a self-righteous smirk on her face as she knows I caught on to what they were doing and they were “shaming” me.
This was ridiculous. Firstly, there were plenty of seats on the car and it was late at night. I know we’re all guilty of taking up a little more space than we need when we have the luxury too in an empty train car. As soon as I was made aware someone wanted to sit, even though there was space further down the car for both of them, I made the space. Secondly, I was the easiest target on the train. If you wanted to really change someone’s mind and behaviors there were guys almost entirely spread eagle in that car, but the nebbishy white guy in glasses was probably the least likely person heading into Brooklyn to cause a scene or dangerous situation. Thirdly, the woman who had her purse, tote bag and I think gym bag taking up a lot of space wasn’t a worthy target because it didn’t fit into your meme.
After the girl who was next to me got up and sat next to her friend across from me, they then started flirting with the 4 hipster boys standing there, explaining “manspreading” and saying how now 3 men were now sitting where there wasn’t room for her and 2 before. Yes there was, as soon as you asked for the seat we tightened up. The same amount of space was there from when you said excuse me and we made space for you in that empty train car before 2 seconds later when you did your performance piece. You’re such a social justice warrior, aren’t you? You know nothing of me or what I was going through in my day, but you got your low demand victory. I hope it was worth alienating an ally where there wasn’t a battle.
And this isn’t Mens Rights Activism. I know that shit is ridiculous. It’s more of a frustration of people putting themselves on a pedestal for how awesomely enlightened and empowered they are. I get the same feeling from the union delegate in my office who dresses like Che Guevara and sends out the weekly union update as if he were planning a coup. “Yes, my brothers and sisters, they have given in to our demands and we now have 4 Keurig machines for our use instead of having to go outside to buy our coffee. Remember, you have to provide your own K cups and cream. Our voices have been heard!”. The effort is appreciated, but the end result is underwhelming. I love women, the most awesome people in my life are women. You just caught me at a distracted moment and I wasn’t trying to deny any person, male or female or if they identify the opposite way, a seat. But I guess you get to plant your flag and celebrate your victory anyway.
